Follow Up

I had my post-op follow up yesterday and all is well. The doctor said that everything went very well in the surgery and they had doubled checked my fallopian tubes during the surgery which were nice and clear and she was impressed with how well my incisions healed (I attribute this to my non-smoking, non-drinking, realitivly heathly lifestyle). So now marks us going back to working on the baby-making. I have my screening appointment in a few weeks for the study and a part of me is hoping that I'll just magically get pregnant on my own thus negating the need for medications and lots and lots of tests.

Explaining Infertility

I feel as if I spend a lot of time explaining to people that I'm close with what infertility means. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I hear someone tell me "oh you guys just need to stop trying and it will happen" or "just relax, if it's meant to be it will happen sooner than you know it". While I appreciate the sentiment it hurts just a little bit every time I hear someone tell me that because in actuality with infertility it's not a matter of trying to hard or "just relaxing", in fact trying to get pregnant while dealing with infertility takes a lot of the fun and spontenity out of it because it requires you to spend time planning around cycles of medications and menstration and waiting and testing and peeing on sticks and blood tests. That's a lot of things that require specific planning. I understand that people are trying to be helpful but it hurts just a little bit when someone says that to me. Although I have to say that's not as hard as running into old friends or being with people that don't know what's going on (for good reason since I don't need everyone I know to know about this) and getting the old "when are you guys having kids" and "it's the best thing in the world". Usually I just answer "Oh, we're working on it" and leave it at that but once again my heart feels a little heavier after that since what I want to say is "We're trying really hard but unfortunately my ovaries aren't quite agreeing with our planning so I have to take medications to make them work, and yes I know it's the best thing ever but now I want to go home and cry because you felt the need to tell me this several times". Of course I don't say this since I'm not a rude or insenstive person, I just smile and say "I can't wait".

Post-Op follow up appointment is on Monday so I'll post how that goes, if I can tear myself away from the husband since he's been sex deprived since the surgery (I've made him wait so we know we're 100% a-okay to rock). Also the screening appointment for the study is scheduled in Feb so here's to hoping I get knocked up before that and don't ever even have to go on meds (small teeny tiny chance of that but hey a girl can hope)

One Hurdle Leaped

As part of infertility testing I got to go through all sorts of fun and exciting (read: painful and intrusive) testing to see what was going on in my end and my husband got to well....you know...into a cup. Yesterday we received his results in the mail and they were...drumroll please....normal. While he is really glad for that and so am I (since now we know we're not dealing with multiple problems), I can't help but feel a little bit crappy knowing it's all my problem that's causing us to not be pregnant. And for some reason I've felt very mopey about this since yesterday afternoon. On another note, at least it seems as if my time of the month is done so that means I'm that much closer to being able to get all the blood tests in order to get into the research study to go on the clomid or other medication. And I only have a week left until my post-op follow up appointment so I can find out how all that went (since I was a little drugged up post surgery they didn't tell me much). Well that's about all for now....time to go back to work and not think about how the "people I know who are pregnant and not me count" is now up to 14.....just think this number will go down soon when some of them start giving birth....ug.

Disney Channel

When I'm bored I like to watch the Disney Channel. Yes I am aware I am a grown woman with no tweenaged kids in the house, nor do I work with tweenagers (and yes I do mean tween and not teen since I feel that teens this day may feel too old for Disney Channel) but alas I still enjoy watching Disney. Now why would someone like me want to watch said channel when there is nothing better on? Well my husband asks me all the time when he catches me with it on. I think the main reason I watch it is that I don't really like watching the news, most reality shows bore me to tears and I'm often home during the day where my choices are limited despite having a million channels that I can access. I was thinking about the answer to this question the other day as I was watching old episodes of King Of Queens and the answer smacked me in the face, the episode happened to revolve around their infertility problems and it's the one where they adopt a baby only to find out they are pregnant. This is why I love watching midly entertaing shows on Disney......there are no plot lines that will revolve around pregnancy or infertility or pretty much any real adult themes. It's refreshing to watch a show knowing that I will be entertained by all the problems that once plagued me about ten years or so ago. Thus I will not stop watching the Disney Channel despite it not being geared towards my age group and heck while I'm at it I'm going to watch some Nickelodeon as well!


On another note pertaining to my current situation, I have finished the meds I was required to take after surgery (that dang estrogen was making me dizzy and the progesterone was making my stomach all messed up so this makes me happy). So that means I get to have my fun exciting time of month which sucks but means that I'm that many weeks closer to being able to get those blood tests done for the research study so I can get those ovaries working.....but for now here's hoping my ovaries decide to jumpstart themselves before that :)

Facebook Frustration

I am a facebook user and somewhat addicted to reading people's updates and all gazing at all the pictures people put up even if they are people I don't know very well. I have discovered lately that there is one thing I dislike about facebook......the "we're expecting" or "I'm pregnant" updates. While I am thouroughly thrilled that so many people are about to experience such happiness, I can help but feel a twinge of jealously towards them, especially if it's a person I feel isn't in a right place in their life to have one. This may sound cold hearted since how am I to know if having a baby is the right thing for them at this time in their life but as of right now I know nine people who are pregnant right now. My husband said this is to be expected because we're at that age where many people around us are getting married and pregnant and all that but he doesn't realize that statements like that don't really help when I'm somewhat upset at reading yet another "baby on the way" status update. It's just hard because N and I are both reasonably healthy young people in a good place in our lives both mentally and finacially to have a baby and there are so many people out there who just keep popping out kids even though they don't really want them or can't take care of them. I know this sounds somewhat like an emotionally charged rant and in some sense it is because I'm on these stupid hormones right now post surgery (3 more days of them thankfully) I just had to get this off my chest in cyberspace where only a few people I know will necessarily read it and anyone else that reads it may feel the same way.

The Beginning

Welcome to my very first blog post about my quest to become a mother. My husband N and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now and during this time have seen many of our friends get pregnant and not us. After some fun exciting blood tests it was determined that there were going to difficulties in the road to get pregnant. Most day I'm stay pretty positive about everything that is going on but there are days that the world and people's facebook posts just get to me. I intend to try and not make this blog depressing but want to warn whomever is taking the time to read it that sometimes I will have days where I'm rather emotional and my posts may be tough for someone who is on the same quest to read. This blog may also include "graphic" descriptions of random things (think periods and the such not playboy channel graphic) So with that out of the way let me tell you about what has happened so far.
I started noticing problems this past summer when I was having very irregular periods to include two a month. I decided to go to my primary care physician who told me it was just my body adjusting to being off birth control (which was stopped in February) and that I just had to wait until it had been a year. I left that appointment feeling a little disgruntled but just let it go.
This strange cycle thing happened again and I decided it was time to see a regular ob/gyn for the first time. I met a super nice doctor and she laid out a plan to check everything out including blood tests and go from there. After the first blood test I received a phone call that no woman in their mid 20's wants to hear: "I think we should start infertility testing". This was especially hard because I got this phone call while I was at work so I couldn't really ask all the questions I really wanted to ask.
The next step was more blood tests and then something called an HSG test, which I really don't want to describe because it was incredibly painful for me and something I never want to have done again (which I was told I don't ever have to do thankfully). Doing this test they determined my fallopian tubes were clear (a good thing!) but I had what the doctor thought was a uterine septum so she referred my to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE).
I then made an appointment for a trans-vaginal ultrasound to confirm that there was indeed a septum in there. The RE also said that I had something called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and that he agreed with my ob/gyn that I would need to go one medications to jumpstart the old ovaries but first he wanted to fix the septum.
About a month ago I had the surgery and now I'm just waiting until I can start up on the medications (with which I'm participating in a research study since I was going to go on the meds anyways, I might as well help others in the future).

So that's the story up until now, I'll try and post on a regular basis to update on everything involved in what's going on with what I feel is one of the most important parts of my life right now. I will also be remaining anonymous (even though I know some of the people who will read this will know who I am) due to my husband not wanting me to do a blog with our names since he distrusts the internet.