If Only Dreams Always Came True

I am one of those people who dreams very intensely and my dreams are usually strange and I remember them when I wake up. In the last two weeks I've have dreams that I was pregnant. This first one happened the night after I spent an afternoon with a good friend and her two week old baby. The dream that night consisted of me feeling the baby move inside of me and seeing its arms and legs poke out of my belly. I've had dreams like that before, it's the second dream I had on Sunday night. Although the dream was comingled with lots of other random things, the pregnant part sticks out the most. In this dream my mom was with me at my appointment that I have next Tuesday and I had to do my urine pregnancy test that I have to do every time I go in and it shows that I'm pregnant with a very faint line. In the dream I get excited about this but apprehensive because it still needed to be confirmed with the blood test and then waiting to make sure it stays. I'm just hoping that dreams really will come true this time around. I am maintaining less of an excited state as last month and just taking it day by day and hoping for the best but trying to not read too much into anything.

Oy My Ovaries!

I'm pretty sure I'm either ovulating or getting ready to right about now. For the last few days I've been getting that aching pressure in my pelvic area in the vicinity of my uterus that I got last month where I ovulated as well. I also have had a few "twinges" which are rather annoying but I'll deal with them if it means that I am truly ovulating right now (or sometime this week). I'm hoping that our baby dancing will be successful because what better way to celebrate Mother's Day in May then to find out I'm going to be a mother and tell my mom she's going to be a Nana. Here's to hoping and good baby dances!

Round 2

Last Friday I started round two of the meds and once again have the fun headache side effect. I'm hoping that this will be our month that we'll get lucky and become parents. On another note, apparently after 26.5 years of never having seasonal allergies I have suddenly developed them. I thought okay I'll just take some Claritin like N does, only to take one, e-mail the study coordinator and find out that I can only take benedryl. This wouldn't be a problem except benedryl makes me sleepy (I'm very susceptible to anything that causes drowsiness) so I can't just take that willy-nilly. Guess it's time to stock up on tissues!

My Heart Aches

I went in yesterday for a blood test and it was negative for pregnancy (no surprise there and that's not why my heart is aching). The reason my heart is aching is because I know how good it will feel to have a family and I want it so badly. The other day N and I were babysitting one of my best friend's kids who's 20 months old. I've known this adorable little one since the day he was born and I babysit him on a fairly regular basis. Usually I babysit by myself but this time N was able to join us for lunch. Now normally a 25 year old guy wouldn't take too much interest in a kid that wasn't his, well not my hubby. He cut up the little one's food, put a bib on him and made sure that he didn't shove his mouth too full of food. It was so amazing to watch him be such a natural with a kid that I can't wait until we have our own. On another exciting note two friends of mine recently have given birth and another one I think is going today so congrats to all of them and I look forward to meeting all the cute little ones. I suppose another way of looking at having so many friends having kids is that maybe I'll have a stockpile of friends willing to pass on things for little ones.

I start the next round of meds on Friday so I'm going to baby dance all I can and maybe all this practice will turn out a perfect little baby (or two!)

Not This Time

Well, my period started officially today, fun cramps and feeling crappy and all. I'm pretty bummed because I was really hoping this was the month for us. I suppose at least I should be happy knowing the medication made me ovulate so here's to hoping next month will be our month. I keep seeing pictures of people's cute babies and I can't wait for it to be me.

On another note, I really don't think my mother in law wants us having kids, every time I mention it she makes another comment about how "You won't have any free time" and "you can't do that when you have kids". I don't know how many different ways to impress upon her that all I want is to be pregnant and have a baby and raise a child and have a family with her son. I would think that she would be happy about this but apparently she feels it necessary to "warn" me against having them by telling me all the things I'll have to "give up" when I have kids. If only she knew how heavy my heart gets every month that goes by that I get my period. I'm just hoping she warms up to the idea as soon as we do get pregnant.

Hopes Still Up

I got an e-mail today from the study coordinator checking in to see if I had taken an UPT. I hadn't for several poor excuses: I didn't want to pee in a regular cup (the tests they give me for free require that, but now I bought paper cups), I forgot in the early AM and I was scared of a negative. Well I took a test and it was negative, which makes me a little sad but I'm on cycle day 32 right now and there's still hope that I could be pregnant, I'm going to test again first thing in the AM with first morning urine (the recommended way to do it in early pregnancy) and then if it's still negative and no period testing again on Monday. If still negative and no period then they'll do a blood test next week. Despite getting a negative test I'm still going to hope for the best because I still haven't see my period and my boobs still hurt.