Last Round of Study Meds

As suspected my pregnacy test last week was negative. Last night I finished the last pill in the last round of taking the study medications. The study only lasts for five months so I'm hoping for the sake of me and the study that this month will be my lucky month. If not at least I've learned through doing the study that medication does indeed help solve the problem of me ovulating which so far is the only problem that we have found in our infertility workups. I'm hoping that if I don't become pregnant this round that I will be able to continue to use medication rather than having to go to other (and far more costly) routes. I'm almost positive that the next step would be IUI since we just have the ovulation problem but I would hope that since medication has proven to be effective that we can stuck with that route since my insurance covers Clomid (although I have a feeling that I'm on the other med through the study, there's no way to know since it is a double-blind study) and although my insurance covers the workups for infertility it does not cover any other treatment beyond Clomid. N and I were talking about this since we plan on making an appointment right off with Dr Casson if I'm not pregnant after this round of the study, and N said that perhaps if Clomid isn't the medication that I'm on and I end up going that route that perhaps it would work better. Only time will tell and I'm really hoping that it happens for us this time around. I'm also keeping in mind that normal women who are fertile and ovulate on their own take up to five months to get pregnant since there's only really a a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month so maybe this will happen. For now I'm going to try and remain relaxed and stress free as the weeks go by.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

As I'm sure can be gleaned from the title of the post, I got my period today. This week I've been having spotting when I wipe but there wasn't anything worth using a tampon for since it never even stained my underwear. I was so hopeful that this was just some sort of weird early pregnancy spotting type thing since I made it all the way to cycle day 35 this time around, but alas today it got all crazy and bam, not pregnant (unless I'm going to one of those fake period during pregnancy people). While my body was betraying me it started turning into the day of hell at work (12 calls in 2 hours and for those that read this that know me personally that's an insane 2 hours). Then just as things at work are calming down and the cramps that were making me feel like I was going to vomit, a coworker came in and told me that I had a flat tire. I'm not going to go into detail about the disagreement this caused between N and I since this is not a blog about what kind of stress related fights we get into (beyond the sex life stuff). So to sum up my horrible day: period=not pregnant (unless the blood test tells me different), ridiculously busy few hours at work, follow it all up with a flat tire causing a disagreement between N and I. Like I said to begin with a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (anyone remember the book from childhood?)

Seeing What the Week Brings

Once again the tests show I have ovulated this month. I had a feeling that the tests would show this because I definitely felt the ovulation once again. This month was a little tough because I kept getting some really nasty headaches. I told them about this at my appointment and got a prescription for some meds to try and help with them since a lot of the time they are like borderline migraines. My appointment this month was still fairly early in the cycle (day 22) so the blood test showed negative for pregnancy. Of course it's early in the cycle so it could have been too early to show pregnancy. Now I'm in the waiting game of the phase. I feel like I've been less stressed about this whole process this month so I'm hoping that continues for the next 10 days of the waiting game and also hoping it helped in our quest. If my period does in fact come this month I only have one more month on the study and then if it still doesn't happen I'll be finished with the study and moving on to meeting with the infertility specialist and seeing what happens next and what steps we're going to need to take.

For now though....fingers crossed.

Luckier Than Most

I bought a book about dealing with infertility last week. It didn't take me long to read because I read a lot but it did give me a little bit of insight. The most important thing I gleaned from reading said book was that I am, all things considered, incredibly lucky. As I read stories from women who were closer to 40 rather than 30, lived a million miles from their doctors and had multiple problems pertaining to infertility I came to the realization that I am far luckier than I usually let myself believe. I am not even 30 yet, in fact I'll be merely 27 in a few months. We only have one thing working against us in our fertility quest, my lack of being able to ovulate, which we have since fixed via medications. Most importantly I live a mere 15 minutes away from the nearest infertility center with one of the most well known infertility doctors in the area. For all these things I feel like a pretty lucky infertility patient, if there is such a thing. As of this point we don't believe we will have to go through any IVF type treatments since I do ovulate with a little help from my friend modern science. The doctor that I'm working with, upon mention of his name, is well known for making sure women who want babies, and are in some way able to have them, will have the babies they dream of. Best of all I don't have to travel hours and spend the night in strange cities in order to receive any treatments since the major hospital where the clinic is located is 15 minutes from my house and place of work.

I'm going to try and keep these things in mind when I start to get sad about not being pregnant and not being able to give N his first father's day today. I have high hopes that perhaps next year we will be able to celebrate both mother and father's day by getting woken up in the middle of the night by more than just our dog.

As for my current month's treatment I will expect ovulation next week sometime so lots of baby dancing and positive thoughts.

False Hope

Once again my period decided to show up, just a few days later this time around. Hopefully I'll be able to get my blood drawn later today to confirm the negative I got with a UPT. I'm pretty bummed but I just ordered a book on Barnes and Noble's website that has information about infertility and how to deal with all the things that come with it and all the options out there. I enjoy reading so I thought maybe a book that deals with what I'm going through may be helpful. I'm really trying to not get too down on myself but as anyone who goes through infertility it can be really hard to stay postive 100% of the time. I've also gotten back into working out which I hope helps because I do always feel better when I've been exercising. I suppose on the upside at this rate I'm not going to have to be heavily pregnant during any hot summer months so that's a nice thing to think about. For now back to the grind for another month.

Update: negative pregnancy test as expected, start new round of meds now.

Tick Tock

Here I am once again patiently waiting as the cycle days slowly tick by. Now that it's after midnight I'm officially on cycle day 33 which is about the cycle day that my period has started for the last three months, along with some spotting before that. So far nothing and I'm starting to get my hopes up but at the same time trying to keep a realistic feeling about all this so I'm not too disappointed if it turns out to be negative again this month. My progesterone was nice and high though which means I definitely did not have a problem with ovulation (according to an online source I found they want to see anything greater than a 15 for people undergoing fertility treatment). I also haven't really felt any of the normal cramps that I get right before my period but then again this could all mean nothing and my cycle could just be extra long this month. N and I were talking and when I was telling him this he asked me to please not get my hopes all up again because it breaks his heart every month to see my hit that low when my period comes. I'm really working hard to keep on an even keel but as anyone who has gone through this can tell you it's really hard and it feels like watching a pot of water boil. I just wish I wasn't so impatient and stubborn since I probably should take a UPT but a part of me is just nervous to take one for the fear of yet another negative. For now fingers crossed.

Ovulation

Once again test confirmed that I did indeed ovulated this month (as I suspected since now I can tell when I am ovulating). The pregnancy test they did today was negative which bummed me out a little but I'm still maintaining hope like I always do because if I get too down on myself about it I get really mopey and sad. Fingers crossed that today was just too early to tell (I'm on cycle day 28 and I usually have about 33 day cycles).