Holy Crap!!!!

Two days ago (it will be longer than that by the time you read this because I'm waiting to post about this) I hit magical cycle day 40. I call the people from the study and went in for a blood test because I was too much of a wuss to do a UPT (and they would have had to do one anyways). N and I went out to try and lower our mortgage payments and while we were in a meeting my phone rings. I stepped out to take it and got the best news ever, I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! I was practically crying when I got back in the room. I was just stunned and shaking and it too about 2 hours to stop shaking. My beta HCG test (the blood pregnancy test) was at over 5000 on Monday. I went back today for another blood test and the beta HCG doubled to about 10000, this is good and exactly what it's supposed to do. I am still off the wall excited and I'm not ready to be completely public with this since we're only at about 5 weeks. I go next week for my ultrasound and N and I are excited and hope that we'll be able to hear a heartbeat (if I'm around six weeks at that time we should be able to). I'm still in utter shock that I'm actually finally pregnant. And yesterday the fun exciting queasiness decided to start, and this AM I was definitely not feeling well. I guess I better stock up on ginger ale with real ginger and crackers.

Heartbreak Hotel

Today I had my last "ovulation check" appointment where they determine if I ovulated this past month and whether or not I am pregnant yet. I did once again ovulate but as of my pregnancy test today I am not pregnant. The study coordinator told me that more than likely that would be the definitive answer unless for some reason I ovulated just yesterday or the day before but that the blood test would be able to tell me a very early positive test. I held it together in the office fairly well, although I couldn't really look them in the eye and when I got to my car I got pretty upset, but I was able to hold most of my tears in since I had to be at work and needed my "game face" on. This was the last month of study medications so that means that unless some sort of miracle happens I did not get pregnant on the study. This is disappointing for me and the coordinator and even the sonographer (the same woman who did my ultrasound every month) because they were all rooting for me a lot since I was very compliant towards the study.

I'm hugely disappointed because I really want to be pregnant now and I'm working really hard to not get too impatient. Right now it's just a waiting game until either my period comes or I magically get a positive test. After that I'll do an end of study visit and then make an appointment with the infertility specialist (who also happens to be in charge of the study). I'm not sure what the next steps will be but I have a couple of ideas. Either I'll end up trying Clomid (since I think I was on the other medication for the study, although this has not been confirmed) or I'll move on to IUI. At first I was scared of the cost of IUI because I was under the impression that it cost the same as IVF (IUI= intrauterine infertiliztion and IVF= in-vitro fertilization) and I wasn't sure if N and I would be able to afford either option. IUI looks like it may end up being our next step and it turns out that it's only between $250-500 which is far more affordable than IVF ($10,000 a pop). I'm really hoping that if we do have to go the IUI route that it proves successful.

As for now I get to play the waiting game and work on staying positive because otherwise I'll never get anywhere.