Luckier Than Most

I bought a book about dealing with infertility last week. It didn't take me long to read because I read a lot but it did give me a little bit of insight. The most important thing I gleaned from reading said book was that I am, all things considered, incredibly lucky. As I read stories from women who were closer to 40 rather than 30, lived a million miles from their doctors and had multiple problems pertaining to infertility I came to the realization that I am far luckier than I usually let myself believe. I am not even 30 yet, in fact I'll be merely 27 in a few months. We only have one thing working against us in our fertility quest, my lack of being able to ovulate, which we have since fixed via medications. Most importantly I live a mere 15 minutes away from the nearest infertility center with one of the most well known infertility doctors in the area. For all these things I feel like a pretty lucky infertility patient, if there is such a thing. As of this point we don't believe we will have to go through any IVF type treatments since I do ovulate with a little help from my friend modern science. The doctor that I'm working with, upon mention of his name, is well known for making sure women who want babies, and are in some way able to have them, will have the babies they dream of. Best of all I don't have to travel hours and spend the night in strange cities in order to receive any treatments since the major hospital where the clinic is located is 15 minutes from my house and place of work.

I'm going to try and keep these things in mind when I start to get sad about not being pregnant and not being able to give N his first father's day today. I have high hopes that perhaps next year we will be able to celebrate both mother and father's day by getting woken up in the middle of the night by more than just our dog.

As for my current month's treatment I will expect ovulation next week sometime so lots of baby dancing and positive thoughts.

False Hope

Once again my period decided to show up, just a few days later this time around. Hopefully I'll be able to get my blood drawn later today to confirm the negative I got with a UPT. I'm pretty bummed but I just ordered a book on Barnes and Noble's website that has information about infertility and how to deal with all the things that come with it and all the options out there. I enjoy reading so I thought maybe a book that deals with what I'm going through may be helpful. I'm really trying to not get too down on myself but as anyone who goes through infertility it can be really hard to stay postive 100% of the time. I've also gotten back into working out which I hope helps because I do always feel better when I've been exercising. I suppose on the upside at this rate I'm not going to have to be heavily pregnant during any hot summer months so that's a nice thing to think about. For now back to the grind for another month.

Update: negative pregnancy test as expected, start new round of meds now.

Tick Tock

Here I am once again patiently waiting as the cycle days slowly tick by. Now that it's after midnight I'm officially on cycle day 33 which is about the cycle day that my period has started for the last three months, along with some spotting before that. So far nothing and I'm starting to get my hopes up but at the same time trying to keep a realistic feeling about all this so I'm not too disappointed if it turns out to be negative again this month. My progesterone was nice and high though which means I definitely did not have a problem with ovulation (according to an online source I found they want to see anything greater than a 15 for people undergoing fertility treatment). I also haven't really felt any of the normal cramps that I get right before my period but then again this could all mean nothing and my cycle could just be extra long this month. N and I were talking and when I was telling him this he asked me to please not get my hopes all up again because it breaks his heart every month to see my hit that low when my period comes. I'm really working hard to keep on an even keel but as anyone who has gone through this can tell you it's really hard and it feels like watching a pot of water boil. I just wish I wasn't so impatient and stubborn since I probably should take a UPT but a part of me is just nervous to take one for the fear of yet another negative. For now fingers crossed.

Ovulation

Once again test confirmed that I did indeed ovulated this month (as I suspected since now I can tell when I am ovulating). The pregnancy test they did today was negative which bummed me out a little but I'm still maintaining hope like I always do because if I get too down on myself about it I get really mopey and sad. Fingers crossed that today was just too early to tell (I'm on cycle day 28 and I usually have about 33 day cycles).

It's almost that time again

Thursday is my next doctor's appointment where I find out if I ovulated or not. I'm pretty sure I did because I felt those same "twinges" around the time that ovulation should occur for me. We're also staying on course with our baby dancing so I'm hoping that this will be our month. I've tried to take a more laid back approach this month and hope that what I want to happen will happen. Of course I'm very happy that I've been ovulating but I'd like to actually be pregnant. I'm going to work really hard this month to try and not read into signs and what not and I should know by the end of next week whether or not I will get to be called a mother next year. Fingers crossed.