Baby Dance

I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday as I experienced the "twinges" I've felt the last couple of months around the correct time. I've also had this lovely mild headache the last few days which is oh so much fun. I tend to get headaches for random reasons and they're usually not bad just mild and annoying, emphasis on annoying. I'm sure some of it has to do with hormones so I'm hopeful that maybe once I have a baby my hormones will get kicked into a "normal" mode and I won't have to deal with the mild annoying headaches.
Also last night when attempting to convince my hubby that it was important that we baby dance (believe it or not once he got it guaranteed he doesn't want it like he used it, apparently the chase was more fun for him) we had a minor little spat again about how he feels like a machine and that we have no passion in our baby dancing. I apologized for this but it also go me thinking about how I'm pretty sure every couple who struggles with infertility starts to feel like this after awhile. Let's just hope that this will be a positive month for us and then he can go back to the caveman chase.

Round #3

So it begins, another round of meds. Maybe I should look at it as a progression, month one I ovulated but only according to the blood test, month two I ovulated showing on both blood test and ultrasound so now I'm in month three and maybe it'll be a pregnant month, I certainly hope so because it's very difficult to keep not being successful and rather heartbreaking as well.

Bittersweet Day

Today is mother's day, a happy time for all the moms out there. I have the best mom in the world and I wish she didn't live 2 hours aways so I could see her more often. Today is also a really hard day for people like me who struggle with infertility. I was really hoping that for mother's day I would find out I was pregnant and it apparently wasn't in the cards this year. I'm hoping by next mother's day I will be a mother and I can celebrate happily instead of sadly. I know that this is a really hard day for all of us infertility patients because we are bombarded with all the images and commercials and web ads about mother's day. Those of us that are lucky enough to have amazing moms are able to celebrate them being there for us with a note of sadness that we want to be the bearer of the next generation. I'm sure that this over-saturation of mother's day in the media did not help my mini-meltdown the other day. Happy Mother's Day though to all the readers of this blog who are blessed with children both young and old.

Meltdown

I had myself a mini (ok maybe a bit bigger than mini meltdown) this AM. The last three days I've had a little spotting when I wipe that I commonly get right before my period starts, thus making me think that maybe this month may not be successful yet again. Combine that with my husband making comments about my weight the other day and saying he felt like there was no romance in our lovemaking anymore and you get me crying on the phone with him all the way to work. Now those of you that know me and read this know that it's pretty hard to make me cry so I'm sure what ever hormones I've got going on right now added to this. But one of the things that N and I just can't seem to see eye to eye on is how I feel like a complete failure as a woman since we've been trying since February 2009 and I can't even get pregnant on my own like a woman should be able to, while he sees it as only trying since we started the medication in March. I can understand that he sees it as success since I've ovulated the last two months but since I didn't get pregnant last month and despite my still trying to stay positive have no so great feeling about this month just does not equal overall success for me. I know that we've come farther than we have before but I just sometimes get really emotional about the fact that the one thing a woman's body is designed for I can't make happen without all this extra help. I know that women with infertility all go through this, probably on a pretty regular basis and I know I have it better than a lot of infertility patients because I am ovulating (with meds) but it is still just really hard for me to accept that it may not happen as quickly as I would like it to be. I'm still going to hold some hope out until either AF comes or this spotting stops and I turn out to be pregnant. N and I were able to talk about things tonight over dinner and I think maybe we understand each other's viewpoints a little more and we're going to try and put some romance back into the baby dance.

Ovulation Station :)

I had my doctor's appointment this AM and the good news is that I ovulated!!!! I haven't gotten the blood results yet but it was visible on the ultrasound which is awesome because last month it showed I ovulated on the blood test and did not show up on the ultrasound. I'm pretty excited about this because I totally went in to the appointment today thinking that I probably didn't and feeling a little bit down because I had a little bit of reddish discharge this AM when I went the the bathroom and wiped. I'm kind of hoping that this is maybe a little bit of the implantation bleeding, although I could be wrong. For now I've got my fingers, toes and uterus crossed hoping that I get a postive test within the next week! (And maybe today although it would be really really early and not very likely)